Lately, I've been getting really jacked about Africa. But, by "getting really jacked," I in part mean "starting to worry/wonder about ridiculous things." And I do mean ridiculous. For example, mouthwash. Can I get it there? What about conditioner? Am I going to have to cut off all my hair? (I can't decide if this is an appealing or appalling prospect. Discuss amongst yourselves.) How can I pack enough batteries for a flashlight? Will I have to? How close will I be to a bigger place and what kind of stuff can I get there? Am I going to have a horse or not?
This is just nonsense, but this is often the way in which I get excited about and look forward to things. Kind of silly, yes, I know.
On the other side of the spectrum, I'm having difficulty differentiating between holding this trip with an open hand (saying, "God, you know, do whatever you want here -- if you want to cancel it at the last minute, so be it") and being pessimistic about it (the "if I even/I doubt I'll even go" route). It's a strange fence to straddle, and I think I'm leaning toward the latter attitude rather than the former. I guess being pessimistic is easier, right? It'll sting less if what I really want gets taken away. And, heck, it requires so little faith. So why not?
These are my battles. Of course, they both distract me from the big battle -- fighting for the people in Sudan in prayer before I arrive. And the devil smiles.
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