There was some point in the last five days at which I decided I wasn't going to go to Africa, that the support wasn't going to come in. Well, I guess it was less a decision and more a concession.
And that's all very curious, seeing as how nothing has changed about my heart for Africa. This is just old fashioned giving up, not trusting God. Which is unfortunate, since people continue to die in the Sudan each and every day without hearing the name of Jesus.
I suppose I'm just frustrated -- frustrated because I'm on God's timetable and not my own. Which is also curious, because this is a lesson I've learned before.
I really want to throw my hands up and be done. But then what? I'd just long to be in Africa even more than I am now. I know all I can do is turn to the Lord in prayer and be disciplined in my support raising. Like they say: Work like it depends on me; pray like it depends on God.
So scratch that business about not going. That won't last very long anyway. But pray for my heart, my diligence and... my support. Ugh -- 37% is a long way from done.
God is a BIG God.
I love that THE MINUTE I post this silly thing, I get an email from Linda -- a woman who I met at a church a couple months ago, who has really come alongside me -- asking if she can help me in any way and just being a general encouragement to me. Hilarious.
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