First fear.

A lot of folks have encouraged me to watch this film, The Constant Gardner, so tonight I did.

It was the first time I've really felt fear about moving to Lopit.

If you've seen it, you know it's not at all about Sudan. It's a fictional piece about drug companies and corruption in Kenya and all of Africa.

But there's one scene in it where the main character is in South Sudan and a whole pack of Arabs on horseback attack a village on the heels of a UN supply drop. (This was common practice. Either the Sudanese army -- the bad, Muslim/Arab, doers of the genocide people -- would swoop in and get everything that was dropped or the SPLA -- the southern tribes people, rebels, object of the genocide people -- would do the same, raiding their own people because they knew if they didn't, the Sudanese army soon would.)

The movie does well to portray the sheer terror of the whole thing and the defenselessness of the people, their running legs put up against the powerful guns of the Arabs. It showed how they would chase down the women, beat, rape and kill them. How they'd gun down men, women and children alike. How children were left orphaned. How huts were burned with people still in them.

Normally, I'd be wary of Hollywood exaggerating things, but I was surprised to see they didn't. (At least, when I put up what was shown against what I'd learned of the war.) It was also nice to see it without a political motive attached. Both attributes can probably be linked to the fact that it was really a minor part of the movie. It wasn't even very long. But it was powerful for me, nonetheless.

I guess it just made it more real to me. But it was nice to be afraid. It's not the kind of fear that will make me stay home -- certainly not! My love for God and His glory in the gospel is far greater than my fear of man. But the twinge of fear is good because, first, I now can understand a bit more what ya'll are thinking/feeling when you look at me like I'm crazy. And, second, because a little fear is often just the right motivator to make you appreciate the danger and be more conscious of it.

Anyway, that's that.