I think a person can spend forever waiting for life to get back to normal, to settle down, or at least to slow down.
It's a wonderful wait to hide behind instead of taking life as it is by the horns, wrestling it to the ground and forcing it to bend to the right priorities.
I think--hope?--I've finally got the gumption to do just that. For too long I've simply been surviving, the important things--time in the Word, considering God in all things, living a godly life--falling by the wayside.
It's been a while since I've wanted to do things of above. As in, really wanted them like I should--enough to run hard after them, like Hebrews 12:1.
It's true, much of my life in the last... years... has been a series of surges and failures. But it's more recently--in the last year--that I've absorbed the failures and neglected the surges.
I've been lazy. Lukewarm. Defeated. Blah.
My friend recently reminded me this isn't who I used to be. She couldn't believe that I was so paralyzed in building relationships, that I succumbed to panic attacks at the supermarket, that I had accepted this survivor's shuffle pace and outlook. She dragged out memories of the Andi everyone was used to, and she stripped me of every excuse not to be that way again.
How'd I get so far from... me?
It all sounds rather heroic, I know--this getting back in the race, this getting back to focus and joy, and this getting back to really living. And I'm sure I'll fall flat on my face pretty quickly. That simply means I'll need your prayer, that I'll actually press on, strive hard and keep running the race set before me.
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:1-2
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