Tonight I smirked as I got into my warm car, giddy as if I'd beat some system just because I'd warmed it up while I was inside the newsroom putting the finishing touches on my pages. The cold does weird things to your head.
I've been working on a book lately called Emma's War. It's the story of a humanitarian aid worker who went to Sudan. She was more of an adventure seeker, I guess, but a lot of aid workers are. She eventually married a rebel SPLA leader. Then she was killed. Clearly I'm lacking important details on that part. But only because I'm not there yet. And that's not even my point. :) I've taken a couple things from the book so far. First, it's given me some more background about Sudanese history -- the history of the slave trade, Islamic rule, British colonialism, etc. It's all very complex, very deep, very... human. I guess I'm hoping to not only gain knowledge about Sudan, but perspective. The author talks a lot about how Africa can just seep into people's hearts, that they never want to stray too far. I hope that happens to me, that God places -- well, continues to place -- a love in my heart for Africa and Sudan.
As I've been reading more about the famines, the mass killings, the children sold into slavery, I find my heart and my mind more and more burdened by what I'm going to do for these people. What can I bring them, feed them? I think physical needs. And I want to know details about my trip. Are we going to build wells? Show them better ag methods? Teach the children? I have to force myself back to the bare reality: As deep as these people's physical needs are, their spiritual needs are far deeper -- even more urgent. And that's just hard to swallow sometimes. But I know it is true. As it is written...
One thing I know I've slacked off on preparing for is the spiritual warfare that I'll undoubtedly be facing. I blew through those two books and have put it aside since then. If you will, continue to pray that God would prepare my mind and my heart, the hearts and minds of my teammates and the hearts and minds of the people in Lopit. I cannot let the Devil have his way -- I will not forget how very real, how very present he is, here and in Africa. Pray I do not neglect to recognize life for what is it -- a battle.
Thursday, December 08, 2005
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
Here's to you.
So, Lisa and I went to the Rascal Flatts concert Saturday and sat fourth row. That is, until they told everyone to do whatever they wanted and we found ourselves right at the stage -- close enough to snag a couple guitar picks, a drumstick, some star-to-fan contact and some great pictures. Now, neither Lees nor I is the go-crazy type, but we certainly did our share of crazy things. Call it the mob influence... or a couple of country gals just having a swell time.
Oh, and we also came away with some concert injuries. Lisa's was way worse/cooler because it involved a rabbid fan's fingernails and blood. She's my hero. I only took an elbow to the eye and have nothing to show for it. However -- and this is strange -- I've discovered a painful bruise just below my ribs that I'm sure I got at the concert, but not sure how I got at the concert. Mark it up as a Rascal Flatts mystery.
This (totally cool and awesome and great) picture is from our pre-concert Pizza Hut adventure. It makes me smile because a) we're wearing cowboy hats (and boots, though you can't see them), b) we're wearing cowboy hats (and boots, though you can't see them) at Pizza Hut, and c) we're wearing cowboy hats (and boots, though you can't see them) at Pizza Hut after having paid only $4.65 for one of the most delicious meals ever.
Oh, and Lisa taught me how to knit. I'm the Michael Jordan of knitting. Awesome.
Aaaaaand I got to go with my parents, brother, sister-in-law, neice and nephew to the Illini game in Chicago earlier that day. Allie was so stinkin' adorable. She danced, she cheered ("Go I-ny-ny!"), she entertained the surrounding sections. She was a doll. She was the only good part about the first half of the ballgame.
Alright, I'm done. I've got so much to blog about -- so much going on in my mind about Africa -- but absolutely no time.
Friday, November 25, 2005
Thursday, November 24, 2005
On politics
For whatever reason, I was thinking today about how I don't really "do" the political thing.
But then I realized, in Sudan, you can't really not "do" the political thing. The enemy has a stronghold in Islam, and it's dripping with politics. It is politics in Sudan. And, in that, Christianity is injected with politics. I'm being "political" by being Christian. Being anything but Muslim pisses off the government. I can't be lazy and ignore everything with the government, because that could be trouble.
I dunno, random thought.
But then I realized, in Sudan, you can't really not "do" the political thing. The enemy has a stronghold in Islam, and it's dripping with politics. It is politics in Sudan. And, in that, Christianity is injected with politics. I'm being "political" by being Christian. Being anything but Muslim pisses off the government. I can't be lazy and ignore everything with the government, because that could be trouble.
I dunno, random thought.
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
Dipping sauce... and other American wonders
I figure I should pick back up this blogging thing. I've got supporters and stalkers keeping tabs on me.
Working with my mother not only makes me vulnerable to embarrassing newsroom moments, but also to intra-office conspiracies. Or maybe I just have a complex. Either way, last night I had a co-worker plop down next to me when we went out and begin to tell me how horrible of a place Sudan is and how I shouldn't go if someone else is making me.
Apparently, I'm not the only one with a conspiracy complex, as many people seem to think I'm being forced to go to Sudan. Rest easy, friends: this is not the case.
I'm not sure why I haven't been taking advantage of those great moments to explain to people that it's not other people making me go and it's not a vacation I'm looking for, and it is the situation there that makes it all the more important I go. Pray that I do open my mouth and speak of Him, as I should.
Back to this guy. He was asking me where exactly I'll be ("Lopit," I say, which translates to "I have no clue") and saying I should check out this book, The World's Most Dangerous Places. Sudan made the list. (Yahoo!) All this to say, I went to the library today to check it out and, while I couldn't find it, I did happen upon another book about three Lost Boys from Sudan.
The Lost Boys are thousands of young (I'm talking 4-, 5-, 6-years-old) kids who were forced from their families and villages by Muslim extremists. It was 1983 and the North had declared shari'a law. However, many of the tribesmen rejected Islam. In this particular case, it wasn't necessarily because they were Christians -- more because of the inconvenience of the five-a-day prayers for a people who relied on raising and herding cows to survive and because of the brutality of female castration. The army set fire to whole villages thought to be sympathetic to the Sudanese Liberation Army, weidling guns that many of these people had never see before and "pouring fire from the sky" from airplanes and helicopters. They burned whole families alive in their huts, raped women and young girls and killed the older men. One of the boys tells about finding his friend's family charred in their hut and a girl who walked with a terrible limp because a soldier had tied her hands to a tree, raped her and broke many of her bones in the process. Many of the boys ran into the bush and spend the next months on a terrible journey across a dessert and dangerous land -- thirsty, starving, covered with lice and flies and prey to wild animals and horrible disease. They walked to refugee camps in Ethiopia -- can you imagine escaping TO Ethiopia? -- which weren't much better.
I'm yet to finish the book, but I'll probably go back and read more tomorrow. I know I need to know more about what has really happened in Sudan and what kind of scars these people are dealing with. Also, it was neat to get the cultural perspective. The three boys eventually came to the states -- where they later compiled their stories into this book -- and the beginning of the book is a narrative from a woman who became their mentor. It was funny to hear about how new and different everything was to them and how they embraced it all, tried everything. I laughed as she told about their first dinner -- chicken strips. The boys were entranced by the different dipping sauces. They were also warned before their left that American women were often single and wanting husbands, so they needed to watch out for one of these desperate women kidnapping them and threatening them with knifes and other horrible things. I wonder what understandings I have in my head about Africa that will be uprooted as nonsense once I get there. It reminds me that I have to step away from all of my cultural reference points and somehow be able to break down barriers and build relationships with these people. Praise God that He'll help my team in this!
This was long, but whatever. I hope to erase all the other ones soon and start afresh.
"The cars stand like cattle in a cattle camp." -- Benson, a Lost Boy (then grown to 20), making an observation about San Diego traffic and parking
Working with my mother not only makes me vulnerable to embarrassing newsroom moments, but also to intra-office conspiracies. Or maybe I just have a complex. Either way, last night I had a co-worker plop down next to me when we went out and begin to tell me how horrible of a place Sudan is and how I shouldn't go if someone else is making me.
Apparently, I'm not the only one with a conspiracy complex, as many people seem to think I'm being forced to go to Sudan. Rest easy, friends: this is not the case.
I'm not sure why I haven't been taking advantage of those great moments to explain to people that it's not other people making me go and it's not a vacation I'm looking for, and it is the situation there that makes it all the more important I go. Pray that I do open my mouth and speak of Him, as I should.
Back to this guy. He was asking me where exactly I'll be ("Lopit," I say, which translates to "I have no clue") and saying I should check out this book, The World's Most Dangerous Places. Sudan made the list. (Yahoo!) All this to say, I went to the library today to check it out and, while I couldn't find it, I did happen upon another book about three Lost Boys from Sudan.
The Lost Boys are thousands of young (I'm talking 4-, 5-, 6-years-old) kids who were forced from their families and villages by Muslim extremists. It was 1983 and the North had declared shari'a law. However, many of the tribesmen rejected Islam. In this particular case, it wasn't necessarily because they were Christians -- more because of the inconvenience of the five-a-day prayers for a people who relied on raising and herding cows to survive and because of the brutality of female castration. The army set fire to whole villages thought to be sympathetic to the Sudanese Liberation Army, weidling guns that many of these people had never see before and "pouring fire from the sky" from airplanes and helicopters. They burned whole families alive in their huts, raped women and young girls and killed the older men. One of the boys tells about finding his friend's family charred in their hut and a girl who walked with a terrible limp because a soldier had tied her hands to a tree, raped her and broke many of her bones in the process. Many of the boys ran into the bush and spend the next months on a terrible journey across a dessert and dangerous land -- thirsty, starving, covered with lice and flies and prey to wild animals and horrible disease. They walked to refugee camps in Ethiopia -- can you imagine escaping TO Ethiopia? -- which weren't much better.
I'm yet to finish the book, but I'll probably go back and read more tomorrow. I know I need to know more about what has really happened in Sudan and what kind of scars these people are dealing with. Also, it was neat to get the cultural perspective. The three boys eventually came to the states -- where they later compiled their stories into this book -- and the beginning of the book is a narrative from a woman who became their mentor. It was funny to hear about how new and different everything was to them and how they embraced it all, tried everything. I laughed as she told about their first dinner -- chicken strips. The boys were entranced by the different dipping sauces. They were also warned before their left that American women were often single and wanting husbands, so they needed to watch out for one of these desperate women kidnapping them and threatening them with knifes and other horrible things. I wonder what understandings I have in my head about Africa that will be uprooted as nonsense once I get there. It reminds me that I have to step away from all of my cultural reference points and somehow be able to break down barriers and build relationships with these people. Praise God that He'll help my team in this!
This was long, but whatever. I hope to erase all the other ones soon and start afresh.
"The cars stand like cattle in a cattle camp." -- Benson, a Lost Boy (then grown to 20), making an observation about San Diego traffic and parking
Saturday, November 05, 2005
Perspectives
I realized today that I'm so used to being around college students or people in transition that I get thrown off when I talk to someone who isn't going somewhere, who is fine with where they're at.
It's always, "What's next? So what now?" with me.
I'm not used to people being in one place... maybe that's because I rarely stop moving. I can't wait for the day when I can say, "I really can't think of something I want to do more."
I wonder where that will be. In Africa? On staff with Cru somewhere? Just being a mom?
It's always, "What's next? So what now?" with me.
I'm not used to people being in one place... maybe that's because I rarely stop moving. I can't wait for the day when I can say, "I really can't think of something I want to do more."
I wonder where that will be. In Africa? On staff with Cru somewhere? Just being a mom?
Sunday, October 16, 2005
Play what you're dealt...
Bull poker. Last one sitting wins the money.(Dude, look at that guy flying into the air.)
On Africa and mouthwash.
Lately, I've been getting really jacked about Africa. But, by "getting really jacked," I in part mean "starting to worry/wonder about ridiculous things." And I do mean ridiculous. For example, mouthwash. Can I get it there? What about conditioner? Am I going to have to cut off all my hair? (I can't decide if this is an appealing or appalling prospect. Discuss amongst yourselves.) How can I pack enough batteries for a flashlight? Will I have to? How close will I be to a bigger place and what kind of stuff can I get there? Am I going to have a horse or not?
This is just nonsense, but this is often the way in which I get excited about and look forward to things. Kind of silly, yes, I know.
On the other side of the spectrum, I'm having difficulty differentiating between holding this trip with an open hand (saying, "God, you know, do whatever you want here -- if you want to cancel it at the last minute, so be it") and being pessimistic about it (the "if I even/I doubt I'll even go" route). It's a strange fence to straddle, and I think I'm leaning toward the latter attitude rather than the former. I guess being pessimistic is easier, right? It'll sting less if what I really want gets taken away. And, heck, it requires so little faith. So why not?
These are my battles. Of course, they both distract me from the big battle -- fighting for the people in Sudan in prayer before I arrive. And the devil smiles.
This is just nonsense, but this is often the way in which I get excited about and look forward to things. Kind of silly, yes, I know.
On the other side of the spectrum, I'm having difficulty differentiating between holding this trip with an open hand (saying, "God, you know, do whatever you want here -- if you want to cancel it at the last minute, so be it") and being pessimistic about it (the "if I even/I doubt I'll even go" route). It's a strange fence to straddle, and I think I'm leaning toward the latter attitude rather than the former. I guess being pessimistic is easier, right? It'll sting less if what I really want gets taken away. And, heck, it requires so little faith. So why not?
These are my battles. Of course, they both distract me from the big battle -- fighting for the people in Sudan in prayer before I arrive. And the devil smiles.
Monday, October 10, 2005
Smooth sailing.
Today I had the opportunity to talk for a wee bit at Stratford -- my home church in Champaign. It was pretty sweet to get back there and see everyone. I was bombared with people asking how things are and what they can be praying about and got to listen to a solid sermon from Ken. What a refreshing church experience, especially after my rather sad experiences here.
The speaking went much better than my last one -- everything that could go wrong did that time -- though I think I talked too fast. Eh, you can't win them all. I also think I'm going to save my notes so I can use this as a backbone for my other presentations -- the flow worked well.
Ken is from Canada. I love it when he says "about." It makes me smile. What also makes me smile is when he takes the Word and teaches from it soundly. Today he spoke from Ephesians 3:14-20. It's a section of Scripture I've been over a million times, but today he said something that made me stop and think. When I'm sharing John 3:16 with folks ("For God so loved the world..."), am I thinking about that same love Paul is talking about in these verses? This love that is so wide, long, high and deep -- a love that surpasses knowlegde? And am I loving people with that love? Convicting.
"For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family n heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith--that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God."
I also got to catch up with Jackson some. He was in a rather rough area over the summer, and I wish I'd had a chance to learn more about it. But, either way, it was encouraging just to chat. I'm so energized by real fellowship. When you're starved of something, you start to cherish it that much more, I guess.
Alright, I'm off. Gotta get up early to ride in the morning. (Pretty jacked.)
The speaking went much better than my last one -- everything that could go wrong did that time -- though I think I talked too fast. Eh, you can't win them all. I also think I'm going to save my notes so I can use this as a backbone for my other presentations -- the flow worked well.
Ken is from Canada. I love it when he says "about." It makes me smile. What also makes me smile is when he takes the Word and teaches from it soundly. Today he spoke from Ephesians 3:14-20. It's a section of Scripture I've been over a million times, but today he said something that made me stop and think. When I'm sharing John 3:16 with folks ("For God so loved the world..."), am I thinking about that same love Paul is talking about in these verses? This love that is so wide, long, high and deep -- a love that surpasses knowlegde? And am I loving people with that love? Convicting.
"For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family n heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith--that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God."
I also got to catch up with Jackson some. He was in a rather rough area over the summer, and I wish I'd had a chance to learn more about it. But, either way, it was encouraging just to chat. I'm so energized by real fellowship. When you're starved of something, you start to cherish it that much more, I guess.
Alright, I'm off. Gotta get up early to ride in the morning. (Pretty jacked.)
Sunday, September 25, 2005
Lisa's cinematography.
So, Lisa caught the ride on her digital camera. Now you have believe me.
Woo woo.
My hip is definitely sore today. Sleeping last night -- also special. :)
Woo woo.
My hip is definitely sore today. Sleeping last night -- also special. :)
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
Cowboys welcome.
So, apparently Rita went nuts and is now a Category-5 hurricane, and she's fixin' to wipe out the whole of Texas*.
The powers that be have mandatory evacuation orders out for about a million folks in Galveston and Corpus Christi.
Amanda and I say, send the cowboys here.
*This may be a slight exaggeration.
The powers that be have mandatory evacuation orders out for about a million folks in Galveston and Corpus Christi.
Amanda and I say, send the cowboys here.
*This may be a slight exaggeration.
Thursday, September 15, 2005
God of all comfort...
Times are crazy and hard lately, but it's sweet to see all the blessings around me.
I talked to Mike from AIM the other day, and Terri from headquarters in Pearl River also shot me an email to see how things are going. They've got folks at headquarters praying for everything that is going down here, so that's pretty awesome. I can see why God brought me to this small, close-knit group. Praise Him.
My friends have been amazing lately, too. It's incredible how great my friends are, even though I'm a relatively rotten friend back. I have friends who will carry me to the emergency room when they're supposed to be taking an exam, friends who don't mind sharing lunch dates with me with the Canales kids, friends who let me crash on their couch randomly, friends who will eat lots and lots of ice cream and food with me. :) Lots of great friends.
I have the day off and I'm sleepy. I'm sitting in the Canales' living room -- they're gone on vacation and it's really quiet and still here. I'm tempted to just sit on this couch, nap and watch movies all night, though I did come to Champaign with the idea of seeing my friends...
*yawn*
This has been random.
I talked to Mike from AIM the other day, and Terri from headquarters in Pearl River also shot me an email to see how things are going. They've got folks at headquarters praying for everything that is going down here, so that's pretty awesome. I can see why God brought me to this small, close-knit group. Praise Him.
My friends have been amazing lately, too. It's incredible how great my friends are, even though I'm a relatively rotten friend back. I have friends who will carry me to the emergency room when they're supposed to be taking an exam, friends who don't mind sharing lunch dates with me with the Canales kids, friends who let me crash on their couch randomly, friends who will eat lots and lots of ice cream and food with me. :) Lots of great friends.
I have the day off and I'm sleepy. I'm sitting in the Canales' living room -- they're gone on vacation and it's really quiet and still here. I'm tempted to just sit on this couch, nap and watch movies all night, though I did come to Champaign with the idea of seeing my friends...
*yawn*
This has been random.
Sunday, September 11, 2005
Neat tidbit.
Tonight I finished my first OT lecture. It only took me... a month. Niiiiiiiice.
I'm always shocked when something I learn completely rocks my (albiet rather limited) understanding of some biblical passage or idea. I'll begin this whole thing by stating that most of my initial knowledge of Joseph and his silly coat comes from playing set for about 100 performances of "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat" at the community theater many, many years ago. I'm also sad to report I've taught this lesson to my Junior Church kids. (Come now -- not completely from aforementioned source of information. Cut me some slack.)
Anyway, so I'm astounded at the fact that it wasn't a colorful coat at all. (I never thought it was a "dreamcoat," people. Again, some slack.) I guess the original translators had problems with the word, so he translated it into "fine fabric" in Latin. Problem is, as the language evolved, that word came to mean "multicolored fabric," which isn't what the Hebrew intends at all. So, then the NKJ folks got ahold of it, also had trouble and just went with this colorful bit. But, reeeeeally, the Hebrew means "long-sleeved coat," which is a special overgarment. In the Hebrew tradition, the father would give the eldest son said robe, which represented his inheritance. Soooo, when Jacob gave the coat to his then youngest son (Benjamin wasn't around yet), it was completely bogus per tradition, which kind of makes me understand more why his brothers were so ticked off. (I'll admit that my lack of consideration of this before is quite disheartening.)
Is this common knowledge? Am I being a baby Christian again?
Whatever, this is where I'm at, where God has me -- to be amazed by something as stupid as a long-sleeved coat. Woo woo. :)
I'm always shocked when something I learn completely rocks my (albiet rather limited) understanding of some biblical passage or idea. I'll begin this whole thing by stating that most of my initial knowledge of Joseph and his silly coat comes from playing set for about 100 performances of "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat" at the community theater many, many years ago. I'm also sad to report I've taught this lesson to my Junior Church kids. (Come now -- not completely from aforementioned source of information. Cut me some slack.)
Anyway, so I'm astounded at the fact that it wasn't a colorful coat at all. (I never thought it was a "dreamcoat," people. Again, some slack.) I guess the original translators had problems with the word, so he translated it into "fine fabric" in Latin. Problem is, as the language evolved, that word came to mean "multicolored fabric," which isn't what the Hebrew intends at all. So, then the NKJ folks got ahold of it, also had trouble and just went with this colorful bit. But, reeeeeally, the Hebrew means "long-sleeved coat," which is a special overgarment. In the Hebrew tradition, the father would give the eldest son said robe, which represented his inheritance. Soooo, when Jacob gave the coat to his then youngest son (Benjamin wasn't around yet), it was completely bogus per tradition, which kind of makes me understand more why his brothers were so ticked off. (I'll admit that my lack of consideration of this before is quite disheartening.)
Is this common knowledge? Am I being a baby Christian again?
Whatever, this is where I'm at, where God has me -- to be amazed by something as stupid as a long-sleeved coat. Woo woo. :)
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
Why I don't make sense.
I was thinking about this over my dinner break for some random reason and decided there are about a million reasons I don't fit the mold. Here's an abridged list.
- My dinner break dance party playlist included: "Cowboy take me away," Dixie Chicks; "All You Get," Red Hot Valentines (indie rock? random); "Day Tripper," The Beatles.
- I've been known to wear Gap jeans... with cowboy boots.
- I'm sure of hate, but question love.
- I hardly eat sitting down in one place, but I could spend every Sunday afternoon on the couch watching baseball or football. (Ohhh, I love lazy Sundays.)
- In one day's time, I can think Todd Walker is attractive or hideous.
- I could be comfortable planning events for thousands of people, but have a hard time making simple decisions at the grocery store, like which kind of pizza to get.
- I'm an introverted extrovert and an extroverted introvert.
Five loaves, two girls.
Yesterday, Lisa and I finally shared a wonderful lunch at our favorite place -- Pizza Hut . I love Lisa, and I love Pizza Hut. (I'd say Lisa just edges out pizza, though the two often come as a package.) We always get the same thing -- the best deal on campus: a pizza, three breadsticks and a drink for $4.64 (!!!!!!!!!). I mean, honestly, how great is that?
It was good times. Much laughter. Much gushing over Kendra and her southern man. The best part, though, was when Lisa was blessing the food and our time and stuff and, when we were done and looked up, our one box of breadsticks had multiplied to two. (Again, !!!!!!!) Our own little five loaves/two fish miracle, right there on campus.
It was good times. Much laughter. Much gushing over Kendra and her southern man. The best part, though, was when Lisa was blessing the food and our time and stuff and, when we were done and looked up, our one box of breadsticks had multiplied to two. (Again, !!!!!!!) Our own little five loaves/two fish miracle, right there on campus.
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