As I sat on the living room floor of the flat the other day, eating Ramen noodles, I had to wonder if my life would always be one somewhat resembling that of a university student.
Ramen noodles have that effect on me, I guess.
That and moving every year or two.
Anyway, I’m not sure there’s much college-student-esque about living in Lopitland and going through all we’ve gone through. I definitely remember a lot more pizza and Jimmy Johns in college, for starters. But what is strikingly familiar is this feeling of “What’s next?” It’s sort of as if I’m made to pick my major over and over again, every two years. It’s always, “Where do I go from here?” and “What do I need to do to get there?” Except now it’s not what classes look best on a law school application, it’s “Do I stay with AIM and go back to Lopitland, or do I pull up my roots and go a different direction?”
And there are so many directions.
There’s Lopitland. I’m struggling with this idea that I love my friends there, but I’m not sure I want to re-up my commitment and do another 2 to 4 years there. Does not going back make all those relationships and all that love look like a farce? Or make them meaningless? Does it make me weak, not cut out to be a missionary? I dunno. I almost feel guilty that it’s not at the top of my list. And I want to make sure I’m not discounting it just because of all the recent hardship…
Then there’s this media team. And, again, I want to give everything a fair shake. But I’m just not being used like I thought I would be. I’m so limited. Does that mean this is out?
Then there’s going back to my Campus Crusade roots. Working on a campus is exciting—raising up workers for the harvest. Maybe I haven’t had the best go of things in the past two years, but I certainly am better suited to send women than before I left. And the idea of discipling women and having half the effect on their lives as our Cru staff had on mine… That’s pretty sweet. And it certainly would be a relief for my parents, to have me stateside. They’re pushing harder this time. And I would never have to be medevaced from the U of I.
And, finally, there’s working out of Cru’s HQ with the Jesus Film travel team, which goes around the globe, recording the film in languages used by unreached or largely lightless people groups. Which, at times, seems like the perfect compromise, the perfect balance. I’m in the States part-time, but I’m overseas part-time. I’m using my administration and journalism skills, but I’m still affecting peoples’ lives directly on the trips. I’m a part of reaching the lost for the Gospel.
Now you can see why I sometimes lose my thoughts in my Ramen noodles.
Help?
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
The Big Two-Five.
So, I turned 25 on Monday. The big two-five. Whatever that means.
As usual—or at least as is usual since about 22 or 23—I had a bit of a life crisis/panic moment. But I think that’s wearing off day by day. I’m just really old, you know?
Most of my team forgot my birthday. But that’s understandable. And OK with me.
Kimmie certainly didn’t. She left me a whole week’s worth of presents—one for each day—that Mendy would put out each morning. (Kim is up in Northern Kenya at the moment.) I got candy and a ninja sword (don’t ask) and Pringles (!!!) and a really sweet water bottle. Apparently, I’ve very, very loved. :) She also text messaged good ol’ Chanda from Korr on a sat phone to tell him it was my birthday. What a dear.
And I certainly wasn’t lonely here. Mendy (the girl who has opened her house to me to stay in) made a delicious cake and we went to a movie with a group of expats, most of whom I’ve met just recently. It was a fun day.
Also, in a really funny twist, I got a handful of mail—mostly Christmas cards! And two really amazing packages from home—also Christmas gifts. :) Ted brought the stack back from the hangar and said, “Gosh, Andi, did you have a birthday recently or something?” Haha. Also ironic, I guess.
So, all in all, a pretty decent 25th birthday.
As usual—or at least as is usual since about 22 or 23—I had a bit of a life crisis/panic moment. But I think that’s wearing off day by day. I’m just really old, you know?
Most of my team forgot my birthday. But that’s understandable. And OK with me.
Kimmie certainly didn’t. She left me a whole week’s worth of presents—one for each day—that Mendy would put out each morning. (Kim is up in Northern Kenya at the moment.) I got candy and a ninja sword (don’t ask) and Pringles (!!!) and a really sweet water bottle. Apparently, I’ve very, very loved. :) She also text messaged good ol’ Chanda from Korr on a sat phone to tell him it was my birthday. What a dear.
And I certainly wasn’t lonely here. Mendy (the girl who has opened her house to me to stay in) made a delicious cake and we went to a movie with a group of expats, most of whom I’ve met just recently. It was a fun day.
Also, in a really funny twist, I got a handful of mail—mostly Christmas cards! And two really amazing packages from home—also Christmas gifts. :) Ted brought the stack back from the hangar and said, “Gosh, Andi, did you have a birthday recently or something?” Haha. Also ironic, I guess.
So, all in all, a pretty decent 25th birthday.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Not a South Paw
Avery—one of the guys’ boys—broke his arm not too long ago, and he’s got a bulky cast on it. Andy was telling us about the writing homework Avery’s bringing home. You can tell, Andy says, he gets frustrated trying to write with his opposite hand, so it’ll be messy words, then just this dark scribble that goes down the page and nearly rips it.
I said I could really sympathize with Avery, because I have in the past and would still perhaps do the same kind thing.
And, I think this week, as I’ve tried to be an addition to the media team, I’ve experienced a bit of that kind of frustration. I feel like I’m a righthanded person trying to do fancy calligraphy with my left hand.
I’m not talking anything about my shoulder here, just to be clear.
I must’ve had it in my mind in coming out to the media team that I would be using my strengths. Finally, getting to use my strengths. Lopit sort of highlights my weaknesses; nothing is easy, nothing is simple. I guess you could say that about Africa in general, missions in general, even. But I had the expectation that I’d be able to use my strengths, and in that to have a certain kind of comfort—or confidence, even—while I was working out here.
I was so, so wrong.
If this week were a writing assignment like Avery’s, I’d say I hit the big scribble mark about Wednesday. And just kept scribbling from there, sort of in a helpless way.
I’m a writer. I work with words. And I can design newspaper fronts alright. I could even throw you together a neat Super Bowl package, or draw up something more interesting than just black words on newsprint.
But I’ve learned this week that, really, it’s all lefthanded from there.
The focus of OFM is video, and I really suck at video. I stared at hours of interview and wanted to beat my head against the table. I didn’t know how to string it together to make it fluid, to make it compelling… to really even make it interesting.
I ended up throwing up my hands and giving it to Ted. Imagine. I gave up on something. That’s not something I do all that often. It made me sick to my stomach.
And for the rest of the week I just sat there as Ted and Mike went up to shoot some cool stuff, and Andy labored away—alone—against a deadline. So, I’d say, not the best week. Just kind of a dark scratch of a scribble.
I’ve been here nearly a month, and I’ve written one and a half stories. I say a half, because one of them was just terrible. I’d rather be out there, anywhere, visiting folks somewhere and putting their story down on paper. But that’s not the program, for a lot of reasons no one has any control of. Nonetheless, again, the spotlight is on my weaknesses. Bummer.
Now, now. I’m not despairing or anything. At least I’m learning, even if the bulk of what I’m learning is that maybe I can move this down on the list of directions to take from here. And God’s still teaching me that you’ve got to push through, that maybe comfortable—or confident, even—isn’t where I need to be.
I said I could really sympathize with Avery, because I have in the past and would still perhaps do the same kind thing.
And, I think this week, as I’ve tried to be an addition to the media team, I’ve experienced a bit of that kind of frustration. I feel like I’m a righthanded person trying to do fancy calligraphy with my left hand.
I’m not talking anything about my shoulder here, just to be clear.
I must’ve had it in my mind in coming out to the media team that I would be using my strengths. Finally, getting to use my strengths. Lopit sort of highlights my weaknesses; nothing is easy, nothing is simple. I guess you could say that about Africa in general, missions in general, even. But I had the expectation that I’d be able to use my strengths, and in that to have a certain kind of comfort—or confidence, even—while I was working out here.
I was so, so wrong.
If this week were a writing assignment like Avery’s, I’d say I hit the big scribble mark about Wednesday. And just kept scribbling from there, sort of in a helpless way.
I’m a writer. I work with words. And I can design newspaper fronts alright. I could even throw you together a neat Super Bowl package, or draw up something more interesting than just black words on newsprint.
But I’ve learned this week that, really, it’s all lefthanded from there.
The focus of OFM is video, and I really suck at video. I stared at hours of interview and wanted to beat my head against the table. I didn’t know how to string it together to make it fluid, to make it compelling… to really even make it interesting.
I ended up throwing up my hands and giving it to Ted. Imagine. I gave up on something. That’s not something I do all that often. It made me sick to my stomach.
And for the rest of the week I just sat there as Ted and Mike went up to shoot some cool stuff, and Andy labored away—alone—against a deadline. So, I’d say, not the best week. Just kind of a dark scratch of a scribble.
I’ve been here nearly a month, and I’ve written one and a half stories. I say a half, because one of them was just terrible. I’d rather be out there, anywhere, visiting folks somewhere and putting their story down on paper. But that’s not the program, for a lot of reasons no one has any control of. Nonetheless, again, the spotlight is on my weaknesses. Bummer.
Now, now. I’m not despairing or anything. At least I’m learning, even if the bulk of what I’m learning is that maybe I can move this down on the list of directions to take from here. And God’s still teaching me that you’ve got to push through, that maybe comfortable—or confident, even—isn’t where I need to be.
Friday, February 15, 2008
GIving pain the cold shoulder...
Ah, yes, I forgot--a shoulder update.
I'm still hurting, but it's a different hurt than the "there's sharp and unnecessary metal lighting up every nerve in my shoulder, arm and back, and nearly poking out of my skin" kind of hurt. I'd say it's more like a "this oughta heal in good time" hurt.
I'm still hurting, but it's a different hurt than the "there's sharp and unnecessary metal lighting up every nerve in my shoulder, arm and back, and nearly poking out of my skin" kind of hurt. I'd say it's more like a "this oughta heal in good time" hurt.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Happy Valentine's Day!
I think it’s some unwritten rule that all singles should loathe Valentine’s Day.
Perhaps then against all odds, I had a pretty good day.
First, I got text messages from Jen today—that’s right, messages, as in two—during an OFM meeting—with Mr. TIMO, no less—informing me that she had “made a most excellent discovery.” Namely, Nakumatt was selling Oreos. This, my friends, never happens. Imagine—Oreos!
Second, upon my trip to partake in said excellent discovery myself, I witnessed a man in the till next to me—a grown man, mind you—with a ginormous (and I’m talking like the size of a small elephant) bright red, utterly gaudy, ridiculously obnoxious stuffed bear. You know, the kind with the white stomach and a big satin heart sown on that says “I love you.” Oh wow. I might have stared and grinned a little (despite my best efforts not to, of course).
It reminded me a bit of a boyfriend I had in high school and his tendency to go way overboard with cheesy gifts. I think that’s one of the reasons I eventually gave him the boot. If you think that’s bad, consider that once I wouldn’t date a handsome, guitar-playing, Christian surfer boy because I couldn’t bear that I knew more about football than he did. Oh, Mother, forgive me…
Anyway, that was like icing on the Oreo cookie cake. Top it off with the Snickers bar and Diet Coke I had for dinner, and I’m one very content single woman, Valentine’s Day and all.
:)
Perhaps then against all odds, I had a pretty good day.
First, I got text messages from Jen today—that’s right, messages, as in two—during an OFM meeting—with Mr. TIMO, no less—informing me that she had “made a most excellent discovery.” Namely, Nakumatt was selling Oreos. This, my friends, never happens. Imagine—Oreos!
Second, upon my trip to partake in said excellent discovery myself, I witnessed a man in the till next to me—a grown man, mind you—with a ginormous (and I’m talking like the size of a small elephant) bright red, utterly gaudy, ridiculously obnoxious stuffed bear. You know, the kind with the white stomach and a big satin heart sown on that says “I love you.” Oh wow. I might have stared and grinned a little (despite my best efforts not to, of course).
It reminded me a bit of a boyfriend I had in high school and his tendency to go way overboard with cheesy gifts. I think that’s one of the reasons I eventually gave him the boot. If you think that’s bad, consider that once I wouldn’t date a handsome, guitar-playing, Christian surfer boy because I couldn’t bear that I knew more about football than he did. Oh, Mother, forgive me…
Anyway, that was like icing on the Oreo cookie cake. Top it off with the Snickers bar and Diet Coke I had for dinner, and I’m one very content single woman, Valentine’s Day and all.
:)
In the Media...
Well, I should check in about the media team stuff.
It’s going well. A little slow for me, since I don’t have many video skills and pretty much the whole focus is on video.
And I can be the laughing stock of the office when we get to talking about cameras—I have a Canon Rebel; they all have superior Nikons—or computers—I have a PC in a Mac-dominated field. Curse the tech guy who told me not to get a MacBook because of the ill-fated slot-fed DVD drive and tech support. Bad man! And it figures my Dell has been acting up lately, perhaps just to embarrass me more thoroughly…
So, I’m pretty much the one with few very skills and not much talent that’s applicable to what they’re doing right now. If I had my way, I’d just pop around East Africa for the next three weeks, find some untold stories and tell them. Write them. I have this list of things I want to do while I’m single. Among some other more lofty goals is the goal to tell the stories of three missionaries in Africa. I’m not sure I’ll get to do that now. Guess I’ll have to check that one off later.
But, I’m still learning a lot, and that’s sweet. And the fellas are really nice.
And I got to meet this guy and write about him. (He’s the foot-washing guy.) I’m not so happy with this article, but you can’t love everything you write, right? Otherwise, what would you rewrite? And, if you want to read more.
Oh, and I’m pretty sure I’m the fastest typer in the office. So, at least I’ve got that… something near the status of a glorified secretary…
;)
Around town...
My dad gave me a little flack for not posting in a while. So, here you go. Some lame pictures from when my teammates finally joined me out here—if only for a few days, before they scattered all over the place—and we did silly Nairobi things.
This one is halfway normal, right? We went to this great Ethiopian place just down the street from my compound. It's great because it's really cheap and really tasty. I plan on trying to convince as many people as possible to go there while I'm forced to live in Nairobi. It's like $6 for a meal that could feed four people.
This is us, wondering why in the world Kim's arm is around my shoulder. Weird. We're not touchy people.
And that's all. That's it. All the pictures I have of good times in Nairobi so far.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Up and running...
So, Surgery #2 is in the past.
I think it’s safe to say that it was better than Surgery #1. This time, my pain meds weren’t forgotten in recovery. Also, I wasn’t left in a busy hallway in said unmedicated state, being bumped again and again by people rushing by. And, this time obnoxiously large and foreign bodies were removed from my shoulder, instead of being installed into it. So, like I said—all in all, better than Surgery #1. Right?
I had a bit of a rough start out at Kijabe, but once I was in the OR with my doc, things were lickety-split. He was super nice and understood my apprehension in light of Surgery #1 and all its horrors. He even asked if I wanted to see the hardware after he took it out, which I certainly did. Apparently, it’s the first thing I asked for as I was coming to. I don’t remember that. But I do faintly remember asking the nurse her name… twice.
Anyway, so all that metal is out. And I got to take it home as a memoir. Phil suggested I make it into a keychain, so that’s in the works.
I’m sore, but doing pretty good, all things considered. I have two more (small) scars to complement the gigantic one up on my shoulder. Definitely worth it to get that junk out of there, though. Doc says to rest it for a couple weeks, then I’ll start PT again sometime.
So… that’s really all. I think the hardest part hasn’t been the physical aspect, though it is painful. The mental/emotional side of things is really hard. I think maybe God is teaching me a lot about being surrounded by people but all alone. Or maybe it’s about humbling myself and actually admitting I need people around… I dunno. Jury is still out on that one.
There you have it. Thanks for all the prayers, and all the emails and everything. You can continue to pray for healing and for embracing whatever lesson God is teaching me.
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
Forgiving is Serving.
Andy and I got miserably out of place on our way to a service put on by Pastor Steve on Sunday. I'm hesitant to say "lost" because we decided there are about a million other people we could blame or excuses we could make as to why we drove around for nearly three hours and ended up on the completely opposite side of Nairobi than we were supposed to be on.
Whatever the case, we did finally get there, and Pastor Steve gave a really great sermon. (I'll put up the podcast when we get it uploaded.) It was really moving. But what was sad was that it didn't seem to reach the ears of the students of the school we were at. So that's a shame. It broke my heart and sort of made me want to cry.
But, anyway, the message was about forgiveness. And this guy has quite the message to give, as he's living out forgiveness at this very moment. (I'll link to that story when it gets uploaded somewhere, too...) He ended it by washing the principal's and some of the students' feet. He says part of true forgiveness is servanthood. But you can hear that from him, when I get the audio and text up.
Until then, all I've got is these pictures.
Saturday, February 02, 2008
Hope in View...
Here's some pictures from our trip to a couple of the IDP camps on Friday. I'm hoping this isn't stealing pictures from Mike and Andy. Don't use this pictures without permission. (Please.)
This kid was rather inexplicably sleeping on the rocky floor of an unfinished building we used for our interviews.
Harrison, who was warned by his "enemy tribe" friends to flee before the bloodshed got too severe in Eldoret.
This kid was rather inexplicably sleeping on the rocky floor of an unfinished building we used for our interviews.
A short service and message of hope before food distribution at AIC-Kijabe.
Harrison, who was warned by his "enemy tribe" friends to flee before the bloodshed got too severe in Eldoret.
There's more pictures linked to on Mike's blog. These guys do good work.
Friday, February 01, 2008
Lopit, on the map...
There are lots of good stories up on the AIM Web site. I encourage you to read them!
But, here's one I wrote about Lopitland. They even did a wonderful job putting up a slideshow on there. Cheers for that, fellas.
And here's a story from Mike about some hope in the chaos in Kenya right now.
I should have another one up soon. There IS hope in Kenya.
Enjoy!
But, here's one I wrote about Lopitland. They even did a wonderful job putting up a slideshow on there. Cheers for that, fellas.
And here's a story from Mike about some hope in the chaos in Kenya right now.
I should have another one up soon. There IS hope in Kenya.
Enjoy!
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