Monday, February 27, 2006

Blah.

Last week I finally sent out support letters to some of my good friends. I took the time to carefully give my pictures on some of the the brochures ridiculous mustaches, glasses and other assorted accessories (often some sort of food product, like ice cream or pizza). I hope that this attention to detail speaks to the hearts of my would-be supporters.

Whatever the case, it was fun for me.

What was not fun for me was this weekend. Blah. Just a horrible weekend. I worked until 6 a.m. Saturday morning and it just went downhill from there (with a brief hiatus from horribleness for the Illinois/Iowa game) until I capped it off with another late night at work from Sunday early evening to 4 a.m. Monday morning. And, yes, Saturday was my stupid birthday. I turned 23. See previous post about life crisis. And Sunday at work not only did the reporters not get their Saturday night stuff to me until just after midnight MONDAY MORNING, I had to work with Sexual Harrassment Boy.

Have I talked about Kyle on here? I have no idea. He's this creepy 24-year-old guy who is a part-timer for sports but is in there constantly, talking and talking. And often he's talking about which high school female athletes are hot. Or how hot I look in what I'm wearing or with my hair down and why don't I leave it down? And why don't I wear that one sweater he likes? I don't remember which one? Well, he'll just have to come go through my closet and show me then. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! He is the poster child for sexual harassment. But he's "just being Kyle," as far as The Times is concerned, and I'd be the Sports Department Jerkface if I brought a sexual harassment lawsuit down on him. But UGH he just makes my skin crawl.

Praise God that I get my wisdom teeth out Wednesday and won't have to work for a couple days. These 6-day, 50+ hour weeks are too much for me to handle when you add in all the other The Times hoopla, especially Kyle.

And I'm whining. Honestly, I think I've made grumpy my lifestyle this weekend. I've been struggling with work and how I react to it for some time now. I think I've been focusing too much on that reaction, what I'm doing. Last night I was reading "God is the Gospel" by John Piper and he was talking about how when we focus on Christ, we will become more like him. And so I'm going to stop looking just at myself (selfish, selfish, selfish) and start beholding Christ... and pray I'm transformed from there.

"And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit." (2 Corinthians 3:18)

Sunday, February 26, 2006

Friday, February 24, 2006

Wasting away.

I've been in front of my computer for the last two hours, sitting in the wasteland that is the Cubs Virtual Waiting Room, anxious for the chance to buy single-game tickets for Wrigley.

And, while I should probably be sleeping or running errands, I'm using the fact that I'm chained to my computer (and my parents computer, also hanging out in the waiting room) as motivation to write these support letters I've been putting off.

That's not exactly getting done, as I'm constantly distracted -- as in, twice every 30 seconds, when the browser on each computer refreshes -- and eager to JUST GET TICKETS.

I need them. As in physically. I think it will kill me if I don't get to as many games as humanly possible before I leave for Africa in June. Cubs games are -- Wrigley is -- so deeply engrained into my perception and experience of the flowing of Spring (Training) to Summer to Fall (Classic)... I would be lost without at least a couple visits to The Cathedral of Baseball.

I tried to explain it to my puppy, Nike (this is who I have to talk to during the day), but I couldn't do much more than rave about the hotdogs. Our common ground is limited. This is only natural, seeing as how are taxonomy is so very different.

Am I talking about taxonomy? This post is about baseball.

I love it. Love it. It may (in a very I'm-not-even-close-to-being-serious-way) rival my love for God. I confess it sometimes distracts from it.

It's not just the game. (But, oh, I LOVE the game.) It's the crack of a bat. That unmatched snap a glove makes when you catch the ball right. The Friendly Confines. Chilling lake winds in April. The smell of the freshly-cut grass in June. Sweating through August (by then, more for climate reasons than for any sort of postseason hopes). Pat and Ron on the radio. Hot dogs. Wrigleyville. The attendance game. The old scoreboard. Ron's dog from Canada that won't listen to him because it only speaks French. Souvenir cups. The flagpoles. Falling chunks of concrete. Keeping a scorecard.

I could go on forever.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

two-doe-one

There's a couple things that, for some time, I've been almost certain would happen:

1) I would die before I turn 23.
2) I would hit a deer on Dee Bennett road.

And I even had a hunch these two might end up being related things.

So, tonight, as I was slamming on the breaks in the midst of a whole stinkin' herd of deer, part of me was thinking, "Are you SERIOUS?!"

But, as it turns out, I was partly wrong on both accounts. First, I did not die. (Clearly.) Second, I didn't hit a deer. I hit two.

The really amazing part of this whole this is that I came out unscathed. And, if I were the kind of person who could wield blind optimism, I would say that -- since I didn't see either lying on the side of the road -- the deer also came out alright. (I'm sure I'll be having nightmares tonight about those poor things eventually succumbing to coyotes. *whimper*)

And at first, I thought my car was also OK, which went beyond all reason. I actually had to stand in my garage and stare at it for a while before I found the damage -- the little patch of deer hair finally tipped me off. And, really, what damage that the ol' Sebring did incur doesn't seem proportional to hitting two ginormous deer.

I'm sure it won't seem that way when I get the estimate to fix the slightly jazzed front bumper, however. There goes that money I've been saving up for a camera and solar panels for Africa.

And that's the story of me almost being right.

Since The Deer Incident, I've been scavenging for food in my house. Specifically, I've been scavenging for food that can be eaten with Sweet Baby Rays BBQ Sauce ("The Sauce is Boss"). Super pretzels? No. Corn? No. Baked potato? No. I finally had to concede to turning on the oven and cooking chicken fingers. And, naturally, making as much noise as possible so as to wake my mom up for the second time tonight/this morning.

On the Africa front, Africa is still Africa and seeming very far away. I need to kick it in gear with support stuff... or accept the fact that I'll be staying home come June.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Currently eating grapes.

Today as I was driving home from work, I had one of those "Wow, I'm really going to Africa" moments. I was thinking about the Lost Boys I've read about and how they were forced to flee their villages without notice, with just the clothes they had on their backs and what they happened to have with them. I remember one of those boys had only red boxer shorts his dad had given him.

And so that got me to thinking about what that situation would be like -- the unlikely event that I'm forced to evacuate and go on the run. And strangely enough, my thoughts didn't stay long on what I'd eat or how I'd get clean water, but quickly strayed to... just how long I'd have to go without clean underwear.

And so my "Wow, I'm really going to Africa" moment turned into a "Wow, I'm really pathetic" moment.

And now you know.

;)


Stuff to pray for:
  • The situation at work. Just when you think it can't get worse... *sigh* Pray for me to be a good witness and for all of us not to fall apart/go crazy/kill each other under the pressure. And pray for wisdom for our management.
  • Self-discipline. I'm feeling the crunch of having only 20% of my support four months before I leave. Pray God would give me the discipline to work diligently toward my support goals.
  • Supporters. Pray God would open up peoples' hearts to his people in Africa, that they would want to partner with me as I go to Sudan to share the Good News. And pray that I actually approach and ask these people (and stop being a pansy about it).
  • Praise. For the fellowship I get when I visit churches. For hanging out with K-Dog and Lees and the Canales clan and other cool people this past weekend. For my family. For the folks who've already decided to support me in prayer and finances. For God and his sovereignty. Aaaaaand, for cookie dough (yum).

On that note (well, the note a few notes ago), if ya'll can think of anyone who might be interested in helping me on my way, totally let me know. I just need names of folks who love Jesus or churches who love Jesus. I want to give them the opportunity to be a part of this.

Saturday, February 18, 2006

Letting the big one get away...

Tonight I turned down a chance at a job that most journalists would jump all over.

Yesterday, I got an email from the sports design editor down at the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, saying he'd seen my pages online and wanted to talk to me more about a designers position down there. So, first, wow, this guy emails me randomly because he saw my stuff and liked it. And, second, wow wow, because the P-D has a circ of more than 100,000 (ie: really stinkin' big). I won't lie, I was pretty impressed... and surprised.

But tonight I had to send the email saying that, no, I couldn't even consider the job because I'm working on a short-term assignment now and then moving to the Sudan for two years. And, as impressed as I was with the email, that's the response I had right away -- "Wow. ... But too bad." But it's interesting how, since I shot off that email to the guy, my mind has been gumming on this whole thing.

The devil is using it to sow seeds of doubt. Well, maybe this is the door God really wants me to go through. What if I'm not right in setting my sights on Africa? Then there's pride. Wow, look at me, this is the second GIANT interview I'll have to turn down because of Africa (the first being at Sporting News, another to-die-for place to work) -- another feather in my "And I just graduated!" hat. Then there's even money. Gee, I'd make more than I'm making now... and probably seven or eight times what I'd make as a missionary.

And then I step back and thing how funny those thoughts all are, because I know I'm supposed to go to Africa. I know that, while I'm good at journalism, I'm not passionate about it and don't really like doing it every night. And I know my talent is a gift from God, one He'll use for His glory in His own way. And I know the money makes no difference at all... because it'll burn up in the end, and God will provide for me. I know these things, I do.

It's funny how the devil will weasel in, isn't it?

Pray I'll be able to shrug off this whole Post-Dispatch thing and focus on my path to Africa, that I'd be reminded daily of my calling to Sudan, that my heart would remain tied to Africa (with the intro of Romans ringing in my ears -- I'm a debtor), that God would squish my pride before it festers into something silly.

Jungle baby.

Today the Atrims (the nice folks I met in Decatur who let me cowboy around on their horses all summer) came through the area, so they stopped by good ol' Oglesby and had lunch at Delaney's with me. It was really sweet to see them -- I miss watching them bicker on our long rides around the country roads in Forsyth. ;) Unfortunately, they didn't bring the horses -- I guess they wouldn't have really liked the buffet anyway -- but hopefully they'll get up here soon and go riding at the state parks.

Also today, my mom and I stole my niece from my sister-in-law. Time with Aleksa is basically spent watching her do extraordinary things that aren't really that extraordinary. For example, tonight at Steak-n-Shake we watched as she unwrapped a straw. ("She's contemplating how to do it -- an engineer's mind," my dad muses. "Look at her fine motor skills!" These are actualy quotes.) Earlier in the day, my mom and I watched her eat a popsicle. No lie. We just sort of sit there and watch everything she does. We're totally wrapped around her little finger.

Also at Steak-n-Shake, my mom said I was going to have a "jungle baby." That's right, a jungle baby. I'm not sure there are words to describe this moment and how hilarious it was. She also complained that it'd have some strange name, then went on to speak some garble (presumably some of the Swahili she's picked up here in the Illinos Valley) and tagged "Susie" at the end of it.

Just another moment of my parents being upset that a) I'm not married and/or dating anyone and/or having any prospects and b) I'm taking my 110% single self to Africa for two years. ;) I guess you can't win them all.

Tomorrow I have an appointment with a family from the church in Oglesby to talk about supporting me for my trip to Sudan. This is my first appointment with a family, so I'm not sure how it's going to go. Luckily, I just made it today, so I don't have a whole lot of time to fret about how horribly it will go.

Theeeeen, I get to head to Chambana for the weekend to hang out with Kendra, my discipler from Cru. I LOVE Kendra, so it's going to be awesome to get to see her and just talk and relax and enjoy each other's company. She's been an incredible blessing in my life. So yay about that.

I've babbled enough for tonight. I'm going to go take my future jungle mother self and get back to work...

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Checking in...

Note to self: Don't leave a semi-depressing blog, then not post for a few days. Whoops.

I took a few days off to fast and pray and reeeeelax, and it's done me some good, praise God. The good Lord helped me defuse some lies and I'm at least to the point of refusing to take others at face-value. I'm hoping I grow more in this as time goes on... and I avoid any intense backsliding like I've been experiencing the past couple weeks.

Forgot to mention another really cool church visit I had this weekend. I was at Spring Valley United Church of Christ. The deacons arranged a little soup brunch thing (I love when I struggle for words like that, and inevitably just jumble lots of them together with the hope of clarity) for the congregation while I talked some about my trip. The best part was that Pastor Chuck intentionally allowed for time that I could just chat with people, get to know them, answer their questions. I met some cool folks and had some yummy food.

God really had my heart excited about going there, so I pray the people were impressed by His work and the need in Sudan and would be moved to join my team in prayer and finances. I went in specifically praying for five families -- that's a lot! -- to come along side me. So far, there's none. But I'm not going to stop praying.

In other news, I can't walk. I went a little hardcore in my spinning class Tuesday and was really paying for it today. Honestly, my legs feel like tight rubberbands; they just snap around painfully and uncontrollably when I walk. The one positive here is that my inability to move correctly has given me yet another reason not to clean my room, which is in quite a sad state right now.

In more other news, I went to the Illini game tonight with my dad. (The aforementioned walking problem was particularly apparent/painful as we climbed the stairs to the C section.) I found myself very ruffled at the fact that the band decided to go with some weird Aloha! Hawiian theme. You wear orange inside Assembly Hall, people. Come on. Whatever the band's attire, the Illini won. It wasn't pretty, but at least a few of the dunks were beautiful.

Alright, I'm off to read. I'm reading this great book by John Piper, "God is the Gospel." It's helping me toward a whole new perspective toward the Gospel and glorifying God in missions. It's amazing how innately self-centered we are, even in our worship of and relationship with God. But more on that some other time...

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Done and done.

It's official. I've hit a wall. A big, huge, ginormous wall.

I'm believing the lies that God won't bring in my support, that I'm kidding myself if I think He'd actually use me to spread his Good News, that not going is punishment for something I've done or failed to do.

*sigh*

I'm not up for this battle. I'm tired. I'm sick. I simply don't have enough faith.

Lies, lies, lies...

Raising support is SO HARD.

Friday, February 10, 2006

Who killed Zahra?

I haven't left my bed yet this morning. I pulled my puppy and my laptop in with me a couple hours ago, and since then I've been glued to NYTimes.com. I decided today I'm going to work a lot harder at learning a lot more about Sudan, and I started at CNN, which led me to a NYT columnist named Nicholas Kristof, who's been covering the genocide in Darfar since 2003.

Here's an interview with CNN's Cooper. (Click on the "Horror in Sudan" link at the bottom of the rail on the right side.) It's from December, but (unfortunately) it's still the situation. Kristof did his own report, as well. Even more info. Check it out.

I have a meeting now, but maybe I'll blog my reaction to this later...

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

I'm so flash.

I realized on my way home from work this morning that I could very easily devote an entire blog -- as in, not just one entry -- to what certain food it is that I'm craving each day.

FYI: Right now, I really want Pita Pit.

In other, perhaps more interesting news, I applied for my passport today. (I guess this is a good thing to have, considering the aforementioned airline reservation.) As soon as that comes through, I'll get to working on my Kenya visa, then finally my Sudan visa. It all seems a little crazy. But, really, it all still seems really far off, so I'll spare you the ramblings about how excited I am.

Did I mention I've been in contact with more of my teammates? Well, I have. I already know Kim from the States. She's a lot like me in that she wants to know everything right now and is really stoked. 'sreallyexcited. And Jen, who's down-to-earth and a nurse and loves the Red Sox. But now there's Cath from South Africa. She's 29, has been doing the missions thing for a while and seems cool. There's Craig from Australia. He's 21, a runner and "sport" addict and seems "flash."

I'm also learning new vocabulary as my foreign team members write their emails. Like how you like "sport" -- singular? -- as opposed to "sports." And this "flash" business just boggles me. I'm not sure of the usage, but I do know that Craig is "not so flash at basketball." Clearly, I'm going to try to incorporate these new words into my vocabulary as much as possible. I may even use an Aussie accent. I bet that'll be "flash" of me. (I hope you're laughing, Craig.)

I need to get hopping on my support raising. I'm being a baby about it. *sigh*

Alright, I think that's all I've got. Just another lame update.

But, wow, don't cucumbers sound SO good right now??

Friday, February 03, 2006

And we have liftoff!

Well, maybe not exactly. But I did get my plane ticket today and that's UBER exciting. It's like I'm really going. The real deal. My seat is waiting for me.

Now all God has to do is bring in the support and make all the arrangements.

20% for both monthly and outgoing! Only 80% more to go! :)

And, wow, I have a plane ticket...

Thursday, February 02, 2006

(I don't write headlines after work.)

So it's been a while since I've put up a semi-intelligent post.

And it will remain that way, as it's 6:15 and I just got back from work... and have had about 3 1/2 hours of sleep in the last (...doing the math...) 40 or so hours.

It seems I've survived another hectic NFL preview week at the paper coupled with support raising stuff. I put my last intense two-page spread to bed this morning, after I was able to speak at Bethel Lutheran in Ottawa last night.

Let me tell you -- this was a really cool church. I mean, I went in there tired and frazzled, but left somehow refreshed and optimistic about my long night ahead. The people were just uber nice and uber welcoming. They even fed me and gave me hugs! Not going to lie... I kind of didn't want to leave. ;) The people were a great blessing to me, and I pray that I'll be able to return that favor with my stories from the field.

And here's something interesting. I met a 81-year-old woman tonight. You would never have guessed it to look at her or talk to her. She was just so sweet and friendly and... I don't know, something.

Conclusion: Maybe life doesn't end at 23. Maybe.

OH, I haven't mentioned on here yet something really exciting. I heard from another one of my teammates! Even better, it was in an email she sent to the entire team. She just said a bit about herself and asked for others to introduce themselves. I'm hoping they do soon -- I'm so eager to get to know them! Her name was Cath. She's 29 and from South Africa. Pray for her, if you will!

Alright, I'm done. Some paperwork is calling my name... then it's bedtime. (Jubilee.)