Letting the big one get away...

Tonight I turned down a chance at a job that most journalists would jump all over.

Yesterday, I got an email from the sports design editor down at the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, saying he'd seen my pages online and wanted to talk to me more about a designers position down there. So, first, wow, this guy emails me randomly because he saw my stuff and liked it. And, second, wow wow, because the P-D has a circ of more than 100,000 (ie: really stinkin' big). I won't lie, I was pretty impressed... and surprised.

But tonight I had to send the email saying that, no, I couldn't even consider the job because I'm working on a short-term assignment now and then moving to the Sudan for two years. And, as impressed as I was with the email, that's the response I had right away -- "Wow. ... But too bad." But it's interesting how, since I shot off that email to the guy, my mind has been gumming on this whole thing.

The devil is using it to sow seeds of doubt. Well, maybe this is the door God really wants me to go through. What if I'm not right in setting my sights on Africa? Then there's pride. Wow, look at me, this is the second GIANT interview I'll have to turn down because of Africa (the first being at Sporting News, another to-die-for place to work) -- another feather in my "And I just graduated!" hat. Then there's even money. Gee, I'd make more than I'm making now... and probably seven or eight times what I'd make as a missionary.

And then I step back and thing how funny those thoughts all are, because I know I'm supposed to go to Africa. I know that, while I'm good at journalism, I'm not passionate about it and don't really like doing it every night. And I know my talent is a gift from God, one He'll use for His glory in His own way. And I know the money makes no difference at all... because it'll burn up in the end, and God will provide for me. I know these things, I do.

It's funny how the devil will weasel in, isn't it?

Pray I'll be able to shrug off this whole Post-Dispatch thing and focus on my path to Africa, that I'd be reminded daily of my calling to Sudan, that my heart would remain tied to Africa (with the intro of Romans ringing in my ears -- I'm a debtor), that God would squish my pride before it festers into something silly.