Missing it.

Wow, tell ya what… I’m struggling. Really struggling.

 

I lay down for bed each night, and I try to pray. But the murmurs of my prayers are clouded and distracted by the accusing, questioning voice inside me that wonders how I can lift up prayer every night but leave God out of so much of my day. In the whirl of these first two weeks back home, I feel more like a before-bed Christian than the all-day Christian I want to be.

 

Ever get that?

 

You’d think that you’d always be too busy not to pray and spend quiet time with the Lord and in his Scripture. But I have a great weakness in always wanting to get everything done right away, which always leads to trouble when I’m thrown out of routine or in a big transition.

 

In my daily goings-on, I’m always answering questions about what God did in and through me in Africa. But I rarely stop and take the time to ask him how he wants to work in and through me now. For shame.

 

Worse, I’m going to miss it if I don’t slow down. I’m going to miss seeing all the little ways he’s providing for me right here and right now. I could be distracted enough to miss how he’s going to bring in all the money for my new staff training. And, worse, I’m going to miss thanking and praising and clinging to him as I should in this rocky time. And that would truly dishonor his glory. And I don’t want to rob my God of his due splendor!

 

 So, pray for me, if you can—that I’d cowboy up and get things in gear. That my to-do list would be stayed until I was ticking things off in the grace and on the strength of my Savior. That I would be giving God all the due praise and thanks. And that I would come back to kneeling before his throne in awe, as I should be.