Pleading.

I read this just now and it spoke to my heart, so I figured I'd share it with you.

"The strong sense I have now as I woke early and could not go back to sleep was that the Lord wants [me] to trust him. He seemed to admonish me that my pleadings were not faith-filled. I was starting to nag. It is not good to nag God. I was not surrendering and handing the burden over to him. I was treating him the way I have sometimes treated [others] in pleading for something with the tone that if I don't get it I will be perpetually unhappy. That is unbelief, since it elevates God's gift above God. So I was encouraged by these thoughts to "Cast [my] burden on the Lord," and trust the promise that "he will sustain [me]; he will never permit the righteous to be moved." And for [my] guidance I take Psalm 25:8, "Good and upright is the LORD; therefore he instructs sinners in the way." That is one of the qualifications I confidently bring to my prayers: I am a sinner."

As I pray that God brings me to Africa, I'm trying to remember that merciful answers to prayer are blood-bought gifts of the gospel -- that I can draw near to him, the great high priest, with confidence (Heb 4:16) at all is a gift. And, again, I'm trying to remember that getting to Africa isn't an end; it's a means. And not just a means to the end of evangelism. Or even to seeing people come to Christ. It's a means to his glory in the gospel, just like everything he gives is intended to bring him glory -- some we'll see now in part and later, completely (1 Cor 13:12).

I probably didn't articulate this well. *sigh*