This is long.

So, wow, still haven't sat down and pounded out a decent post. I feel like I owe it to my great big audience (sarcasm) to blog something significant. So I'm going to give that a try.

Last week was really busy. It started Sunday with a presentation in Mendota, ended the next Sunday with a presentation in Peru and was filled with two other missions committee appointments (in Princeton and Ottawa), three sit-down dinners with friends and 55 stinkin' hours of work. Looking back, I'm befuddled. How is that mathematically possible? Wow. Let me tell you though, all those appointments -- SO ENCOURAGING. The folks at Mendota Bible Church didn't laugh at me and my chipmunk cheeks (I had my wisdom teeth taken out). I left First Baptist of Princeton feeling terribly refreshed and challenged. The missions board's love for Africa matched my own. Most everyone there had been, and they had a lot of insight for me. There's a senior in high school on the committee at Trinity Lutheran in Ottawa, which I think is just awesome. And I might go back there to share my heart with the whole congregation. And this last Sunday I was at Faith Assembly of God in Peru, where the outpouring of love and encouragement was... awesome.

Aaaaand, even better, Mark (the youth pastor) let me come to SuperChurch and talk to the kiddos. Aaaaand, on top of that, I got to be Mary in a skit and wear a super-cool costume.

It seemed like everywhere I went -- no matter how poorly I spoke or how much I had to battle my chipmunk cheek-ness -- there was an outpouring of support, in prayer and even some financial. I really felt like God was blessing my willingness to step out, and giving me the power and strength to do it as I did it.

As for a support update, I'm at about 44% for my outgoing costs and 26% for my monthly pledges. That's 'bout 30% overall. That's almost a third of the way there! I guess I could get anxious about it not coming in -- and I certainly feel the temptation to freak out about it -- but I'm going to go with the whole trusting God thing on this. I'm confident it will come in.

Of course, life hasn't been without its down points. It's actually kind of neat -- as I was telling Kimbra on the phone -- to see how when things are "going well," the undertow from Satan gets a lot stronger. He's worried! ;)

I think I've said before that my parents are against me going to Sudan, but that they are the kind of folks who generally let me make my own mistakes and would never "forbid" me to go. I think I might have to check that statement.

Last night at the dinner table we had The First Big Confrontation. I have a feeling it won't be the last. (Luckily, my mother never cooks dinner and I'm rarely home at that hour anyway, so I won't be in such a vulnerable position that often. ;) ) They are worried about my well-being, which is something I can completely understand. Perhaps I should validate their feelings on that more, because I'm aware Sudan is a dangerous place and I know (somewhere in there, maybe not in the part of your brain that actually KNOWS stuff) there is a possibility I won't come back. It's just very easy to (seemingly) brush off their concerns because God has my heart so set on going. My mother actually said last night, "There's no way we're going to win this argument." And all I could say was, "No, probably not. It's you against God." Which probably came out WAY wrong. But I was struggling for words -- any words -- anyway. I wasn't ready for it. Not at all. I just buried my head in my plate and picked at my peas, trying not to cry.

My father asked me why I'd put them in the position where they might not even get my body back. He asked why God would send me -- I'm not equipped, I'm small, I'm weak. I asked who should God send then? Men with guns? Football teams? God tells us He will equip people. Then the conspiracy theory accusations started. My mom wants to know more about AIM. She said they're clearly not concerned about my well-being. She thinks they're just going to take the money I'm raising and pocket it while they send me off to this dangerous place on my own. She said she can't even talk to people about it. She eventually left, presumably to cry. We don't do that around other people in my house.

My father went on. He said, "American. White. Woman. Small. Christian. All the strikes are against you." All I could say was, "African. Haven't heard of Jesus. Dying everyday. Eternity in hell." And I was so weak. So weak. He asked The Question: Why would God let these people live there, knowing that they wouldn't hear of Jesus, and still let them burn in hell? It's in the Bible, it's very clear. But a lot of things are in the Bible, he said, and you can interpret them a lot of ways. I didn't ask when the last time he read the Bible was. Maybe I should have. All I wanted to do was get out of there, to call Lisa or Kendra or Tom or someone who understands. I wanted my comfort zone. Finally -- praise God -- the phone rang. But I'm sure the elephant won't leave the living room for a long, long time.

Have you ever tried to explain sight to a blind person? It's so hard, especially when you love that person very much... and all you want is for them to SEE.

And on top of that, I've got an acquaintance from high school who's also on the war path against Sudan. I don't know how to even answer this kind of stuff from people. Nothing that is said -- from someone who doesn't hold Jesus as Lord and Savior, from someone who themselves is without the very thing I so long to bring to Sudan -- is going to keep me from going. (Sidenote: If God intervenes through godly counsel, then I'll take a long hard look at that -- I am not so prideful as to think God can't change plans.) I think I've got to stop trying with words and just try with prayer. And actions.

I long ago calculated the cost of following Christ. I guess it's just now coming into more of a focus. Going to have to go find myself some fighting verses.

This was a really, really long post. Sorry.